Why Is Apology Important In Communication?

Most people have been subjected to such earnest exhortations: they should apologize for making mistakes, but they can be informal, but as long as they show their apologies, most contradictions can be resolved. However, it is not as simple as saying "sorry" to make a correct apology, especially in a commercial society.

Why is apology important?

If apology is appropriate, it will promote personal reputation and interpersonal relationship. However, if the way is not right, it will add to the mistake and sometimes even cause serious consequences.

Let me give you an example. At a meeting of a company, a junior vice president raised objections to a senior executive of the management team and stubbornly stubborn, causing the president's strong dissatisfaction. The senior executive then attacked the vice president in the presence of the rest of the team, cynicizing her, accusing her of having IQ problems, criticizing her for wavering in the company's difficulties and so on. When other members of the team pointed out to him that he should apologize for this, he ignored him and said, "I am sorry that she is unhappy, but I am not wrong." She should learn how to cope with stress. "As a result, things are getting worse.

When a person is embarrassed by offending others and worried that he will lose face, he tends to avoid it and evasive it. In fact, apologizing does not mean that you are weak, nor does it mean that you shrink back. On the contrary, apology is a special remedy for saving reputation.

There are two reasons why apologies are important. First of all, it can repair relations. When the relationship between the two sides is rash by one party's offense, an apology can bridge this gap. Secondly, apologies can also restore the prestige of offenders. In the event of offense, there are always people (not only victims, but also all the insiders) who are worried and suspicious about offenders, and even suspect their personalities. A valid apology will convince people that the offender has realized that this is an act of rudeness, and that it is unlikely to happen again.

Why is it difficult to apologize?

However, companies and individuals often miss the benefits that an apology can bring. NSTAR is a public utility company in new Engle, Lanzhou. It acknowledges that the service level of nearly 24000 customers has been changed to "default" level without the knowledge of customers, and customers who choose this level must pay a lot of extra fees. The company wrote lightly to the customer: "if there is any inconvenience, I would like to apologize. "

But is it really "inconvenient" for NSTAR customers and the public to really care? Of course not. As soon as the news has proved that the customers and the public are thinking of vague words and untrustworthy deception, NSTAR's reputation has fallen. The company's indifferent apology can only make its status lower in the public mind.

It is not only a matter of course for individuals to get rid of their resentment, but also to improve their relationship. Why do so many people and so many organizations fall in this direction?

First of all, most people feel that making mistakes is embarrassing. Once they are in a predicament, people will deny the truth and try to minimize it. So is NSTAR company. On the other hand, offenders will try to shift the responsibility onto the victim, just as the senior executive has done for a junior vice president.

Sometimes even an apology is hard for the other person to feel, because the embarrassment or anger that the apology side shows has made the apology smell and shape. This may cause unacceptable consequences. Once credibility is lost, it will be hard to recover.

What is a good apology?

So how can we make an apology? Apology involves three factors: recognition of a fault or offense of the other side, and regret and responsibility. Your apology can include these three elements, but sincere and effective apology does not have to be comprehensive, depending on the specific circumstances.

Because we can not correctly distinguish the difference of recognition, regret and responsibility, we often feel as miserable as a lonely boat in the boundless sea. In fact, things should not be so. For example, in the face of a fault, even if the responsibility is not in you, you can also admit mistakes when the other party is angry or surprised, or express regret for what has happened, so as to avoid being accused of others. The following are five principles that should be followed in Apology:

The words should be clear, accurate and not provocative. If the apology is done well, the injured party will think, "yes, he is wrong. "What the victims often want to see is your willingness to take responsibility and be alert to your mistakes. He wants to know that similar things will never happen again.

Don't apologize for irrelevant matters. Both individuals and institutions like to be opportunistic and apologize for what they think is easy to be forgiven. NSTAR is the same. In fact, if the reason for an offence of apology is not in line with what the victim thinks is wrong, then the apology will make the problem more complicated. To be good, people will feel that the offender is still blind to the problem itself; if it goes bad, others will think you are deliberately distorting the facts.

This makes the injured party's old wounds not heal and add new pain: one is the initial offense, and the other is similar to the feeling that the offense may happen again. The injured party will think, "how can I accept such an apology? Did I not become an accomplice to make the problem happen again? "

Choose the right way to apologize. It depends on whether it is more convenient to apologize from the point of view of a job or from a personal perspective. If you are angry at the object of making an apology, it may be easier to design an apology from the perspective of the corresponding job or position.

For example, if the senior executive is still angry with the junior vice president, he can not make a sincere apology from a personal point of view, but he can apologize to the senior manager from the angle of his subordinates. He can say, "both of us are working for an excellent company. As your colleagues, I should have a more tolerant attitude towards different points of view between us. Sorry, I was too rude on that day. "An apology like this will probably produce good results even if the anger of both sides has not disappeared.

On other occasions, it is easier for individuals to apologize to individuals. For example, some people feel that making an apology is a loss of status. For these people, apologizing in a personal way can make you look magnanimous and maintain the identity of the other person. For example, I can say, "I can't agree with your position, but I like you very much, and I hope we can work together well. Sorry, I was too rude on that day. "

Choose an apology for a way that is easier for you to do. In this way, the apology made will not seem to be in any way unaffected or unwillingly.

Don't always think about how to express regret. Your purpose is to convey your regret and let the other party know. How to express it is only a unilateral thing. Even if you take out confession from your heart, it will only depend on yourself. Communication is a matter between people. Don't just think about yourself, focus your energy on your subjects and apologize for the three elements -- admit mistakes, regret and take responsibility. Then you won't seem to be defending yourself, and your apology will be easier to accept.

Remember, "I want to apologize" is not a real apology. It's like "I want to lose weight" is not the same as losing weight. Practical action is needed. Make an unmistakable and straightforward apology. Don't cover up, beat around the bush or move out of cliches.

If an apology is accepted, you may not be able to control it, but if you do it well, you can totally control it. Do your best to control what you can grasp. In this way, you are more likely to feel sorry for your apology, rather than to apologize for it.